Money Scripts: How Your Beliefs Shape Your Relationship with Money
Have you ever noticed that the way you relate to money is often very different from the way you notice your friends and relatives relating to money? A common example of this is the idea that people are either “spenders” or “savers.” Spenders enjoy the activity of spending money on things or experiences and tend to live life in the moment, while savers find value in saving and investing their money and tend to worry about the future. Although a bit of an oversimplification, this concept is a great illustration of the fact that there are underlying beliefs that inform the way that we interact with money.
In Financial Therapy, these underlying beliefs are known as money scripts. One of the most effective ways to change your relationship with money is by using this concept of money scripts. In this blog post, I’ll define what money scripts are, identify some of the most common negative money scripts, and demonstrate how to change your relationship with money by replacing negative money scripts with positive ones.
What are Money Scripts?
Money scripts are beliefs we hold about money that affect our financial behaviors. Most of the time money scripts are subconscious beliefs that were formed in our childhood, given to us by parents or caregivers and by society. In fact, behavioral finance experts agree that by age 8, people have formed their core beliefs about money. These beliefs then affect how you relate to money throughout your life.
An excellent example of this is folks who grew up during the Great Depression. Take my grandmother, for example. My Nana grew up during the Great Depression in rural south Georgia in a large family. As a result, she became an extremely cost-conscious adult who found great pride in bargain hunting. Some of my fondest memories of my Nana include watching her pick over items at the flea market or garage sales, with a look of excited determination in her eye. And then watching her become giddy as she celebrated a “good find.” Like many of her peers, she had a habit of washing milk jugs and ziploc bags and reusing them, despite the fact that she had enough money to buy new ones. Many of the women from that generation were coupon-clippers before it became an extreme hobby documented on reality TV shows. My Nana also struggled with the idea of spending money on “frivolous things” like nice clothes or vacations, although she truly enjoyed them. Her beliefs about money – her money scripts – that were formed in her childhood directly affected her financial behaviors and the way she related to money throughout her life.
Common Money Scripts
Money scripts can be healthy or unhealthy. Here are some common negative money scripts I come across regularly that contribute to an unhealthy relationship with money:
More money will solve all my problems.
Money is bad. / Rich people are bad.
I don’t deserve money.
I’ll never have enough money.
Money gives me meaning and/or value.
It’s not nice (or necessary) to talk about money.
If you are good, God / the universe will supply all your needs.
Do you recognize any of these money scripts in your own life?
If so, how might these beliefs about money be affecting your financial behaviors?
How to Change Your Money Scripts
Thankfully, we have the ability to change our minds. The money scripts that were handed to you by your parents are not the money scripts that you are destined to hold on to for the rest of your life.
Begin by identifying your money scripts and evaluating whether or not they are true or helpful. Then, replace any unhealthy money scripts with new scripts that support a healthy relationship with money. Practice integrating these new beliefs by taking small steps in the new direction you’ve chosen. Put rituals in place throughout your day/week/month that remind you of your new money scripts (such as writing them on sticky notes and putting them on your mirror, talking about them to your friends, or brainstorming new ways to implement them). Soon, the new money scripts will become fully integrated into your life, and the old beliefs will be a thing of the past.
One of the money scripts from my childhood that I used to believe was that “Women don’t engage with finances or manage money. That’s a man’s job.” As a result, I voluntarily excluded myself from engaging with any financial aspect of my life, which also meant that I gave up a huge amount of control over my life. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood that I realized that there was a different way to think about money, and that I could choose to have a different relationship with money that allowed me to have agency in my life. I replaced the unhealthy (and untrue) money script from my childhood with the belief that “Money supports me in having agency over my life.” Shifting this foundational money script has allowed me to pay off debt, build investments for the future, navigate a major career change, and start my own business doing something I absolutely love.
A Financial Therapist Can Help
If you need support with recognizing and replacing negative money scripts in your life, a financial therapist can help! As a shame-free, holistic financial therapist, I’d be honored to help you build a healthy relationship with your money. You can learn more about working with me here.
